Marriage, Divorce, and the Question of Remarriage in a Changing World
There was a time when the word most commonly associated with marriage was love. Marriage was widely perceived as a lifelong union, anchored in commitment, endurance, and shared destiny. Today, however, a different word dominates conversations around marriage—divorce. Across cultures, continents, and belief systems, marriage is increasingly viewed not as a guaranteed sanctuary, but as a venture filled with uncertainty.
Global studies suggest that nearly 60 per cent of marriages end in separation or divorce. This reality cuts across age, ethnicity, profession, academic background, length of marriage, and even religious affiliation. No group appears immune. Marriage, once regarded as a stable institution, has become a risky investment—one that shows little respect for social status, moral upbringing, or personal achievement.
Yet the story does not end with divorce. Research further indicates that about 88 per cent of adults who divorce or lose a spouse through death eventually remarry at least once, with some doing so multiple times. This suggests that despite the pain, disappointment, and emotional scars left behind by failed marriages, many people still yearn for companionship and are willing to try again.
History and popular culture are filled with examples of repeated marriages. The late Hollywood actress Elizabeth Taylor famously married seven times. The record among women is often attributed to American grandmother Linda Wolfe, who reportedly married 23 times and was still open to another union. Among men, Stotte Wolfe, a Baptist minister, was married 29 times; his longest marriage lasted eleven years, while his shortest ended after just 19 days.
These extreme cases may provoke amusement or disbelief, but they underscore a deeper truth: human beings are relational by nature, and the desire for partnership rarely disappears—even after repeated heartbreak.
Life After the End of a Marriage
After the loss of a spouse through divorce, separation, or death, individuals face a deeply personal choice. Some resolve never to marry again, choosing a life of singleness and independence. Others, after a period of mourning or reflection, decide to give marriage another chance.
Neither choice is inherently right or wrong. Each is shaped by personal experiences, emotional capacity, social expectations, cultural norms, and spiritual convictions. Understanding why people choose one path over the other offers insight into the complexities of modern relationships.
Why Some Choose Not to Marry Again
Many people enter marriage driven largely by passion rather than reason. Romantic love, intense emotions, and idealistic expectations often overshadow practical considerations such as compatibility, communication styles, conflict resolution, and shared values. Couples hope for “happily ever after,” believing love alone will conquer all challenges.
Over time, however, romantic intensity often fades. Reality sets in, and partners begin to see each other more clearly. Weaknesses that once seemed minor become sources of irritation: selfishness, intolerance, infidelity, inequality, dishonesty, constant criticism, emotional neglect, and poor communication. When these issues persist without resolution, the marriage collapses.
The emotional wounds left behind can be deep and long-lasting. For some, the pain is so profound that they conclude marriage itself is flawed. They believe all marriages eventually follow the same destructive path and that peace of mind is better found in remaining single.
Others attribute their failed marriage to bad luck. They convince themselves that they are simply “unlucky” in relationships and that any attempt at remarriage would end the same way. Fear of repeating past mistakes becomes a powerful deterrent.
Age is another factor. Some individuals feel they are too old to marry again, especially after raising children and enduring years of emotional struggle. They reason that whatever joy marriage offers has already passed and that the effort required to build a new union is no longer worthwhile.
Children also play a significant role in discouraging remarriage. When children lose one parent through divorce or separation, they often form a strong emotional attachment to the remaining parent. The idea of a new spouse can feel threatening, as though an outsider is intruding on a fragile bond.
In some cases, children actively oppose their parent’s remarriage, expressing resentment, fear, or jealousy. They may worry about losing attention, affection, or inheritance. To preserve harmony with their children, some parents sacrifice their own desire for companionship and choose to remain single.
There are also emotional and sentimental reasons. Some widows and widowers feel remarriage would dishonour the memory of their late spouse. They prefer to preserve those memories rather than open their hearts to someone new.
Others fear the complexities of blended families. Managing relationships with stepchildren, former spouses, and extended families can be emotionally exhausting. Concerns about inheritance, property, and financial security further complicate the decision. Some worry that a new spouse may unfairly benefit from wealth accumulated with a former partner, potentially disadvantaging biological children.
For all these reasons, singleness becomes a deliberate and, for many, fulfilling choice.
Why Some Choose to Marry Again
Despite the risks, many people still choose to remarry. At the heart of this decision is the fundamental human need for companionship. Marriage offers partnership, shared responsibility, emotional intimacy, and a sense of belonging. Companionship nurtures positive self-image, provides emotional security, and contributes to peace of mind—essential ingredients for healthy living.
An Akan proverb captures this truth succinctly: “Wiase yɛtra no baanu baanu”—human beings live in pairs. Life is easier, richer, and more meaningful when shared. This need often becomes more pronounced with age, particularly after the loss of a spouse, when loneliness can become overwhelming.
In Ghanaian society, marriage also carries immense social significance. Marriage is widely regarded as a marker of respectability, maturity, and social acceptance. Women, in particular, are often accorded greater respect when married. Conversely, unmarried men may be dismissed or ridiculed, sometimes referred to as “so gya ni”—literally, “the one who fetches firewood to cook.”
Since cooking is traditionally associated with women, such a label implies inadequacy or incompleteness, regardless of the man’s professional or personal achievements. As a result, some individuals remarry not purely for emotional reasons, but to reclaim social status and dignity.
Practical considerations also motivate remarriage. A man may seek a partner to help manage the home and care for children. A woman may desire financial stability, emotional support, or a father figure for her children. While these motivations are often criticised as unromantic, they reflect real needs in everyday life.
For some, remarriage represents hope—a belief that lessons learned from past failures can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling union.
The Unique Challenges of Remarriage
While remarriage holds promise, research consistently shows that second marriages face greater challenges than first marriages. Statistically, they are more likely to fail—and often do so more quickly.
One major reason is unresolved emotional baggage. Many individuals enter new marriages carrying pain, resentment, distrust, or fear from previous relationships. These unresolved issues can sabotage intimacy and undermine trust. A partner may be physically present but emotionally guarded, unwilling to fully commit for fear of being hurt again.
Trust issues are particularly common. Past experiences of betrayal or abandonment can make it difficult to believe in permanence or loyalty. Even innocent misunderstandings may be interpreted through the lens of previous trauma.
Another challenge lies in merging different cultures and traditions. Every marriage develops its own habits, routines, and expectations. In remarriage, partners often come with deeply ingrained ways of doing things. Creating new traditions becomes harder when individuals are older, more independent, and less flexible.
Children from previous relationships add another layer of complexity. Balancing loyalties, managing discipline, and navigating relationships with stepchildren require patience, wisdom, and emotional maturity. Without careful handling, blended families can become breeding grounds for conflict.
Financial issues also loom large. Disagreements over money, property, inheritance, and responsibility for extended family members are common sources of tension in remarriages.
So, Does Remarriage Work?
At their core, second marriages are not fundamentally different from first marriages. They are still about sharing life with another person—for companionship, support, love, and mutual growth. What differs is the emotional history each partner brings into the union.
If you decide never to marry again, your choice is valid and deserving of respect. Singleness can be a fulfilling and purposeful way of life. If, however, you choose to remarry, that decision is equally valid.
Failure in a first marriage does not doom a second. What matters is learning from the past. Examine why the previous marriage failed. Assess your readiness—not just emotionally, but mentally and spiritually. Clarify your motives. Are you seeking companionship, or merely escaping loneliness? Are you healed, or simply distracted?
Avoid rushing into another marriage. Take time to grieve, reflect, and heal. Engage in intentional courtship. Communicate openly. Seek counselling if necessary. Compatibility, shared values, emotional intelligence, and mutual respect matter far more than passion alone.
With the right mindset, remarriage can succeed. Commitment, honesty, patience, effective communication, forgiveness, and hard work remain the pillars of any lasting union. For those of faith, grounding the relationship in God—the author of marriage—provides additional strength and guidance.
Marriage is not a guarantee of happiness, but it can be a powerful platform for service, growth, and love when approached with wisdom and humility.
A Final Word of Hope
Whether you choose to remain single or to remarry, let your decision be guided by self-awareness and peace. Do not be pressured by society or haunted by past failures. Life does not end with divorce, nor does it automatically begin with remarriage.
If you choose to love again, may your tomorrow be marked by freshness, wisdom, and grace. May your latter days be richer than your former ones. And may whatever path you choose lead you to wholeness, purpose, and peace.
